![]() ![]() 'Making up games is more important than you think': why Bluey is a font of parenting wisdomĬhildren often push back when a limit is set. Parents should first opt for strategies that help children understand and work through their feelings, or redirect the child’s attention. Statements like “you’re angry, I can’t be with you right now, get out of my sight” aren’t helpfulĭon’t overuse time out as a parenting strategy – it should only be used very occasionally. What they did (or didn’t do) is not OK, but the child isn’t “bad”. Try to avoid statements that conflate judgements of the child and their behaviour. Prolonged time out is not necessary for learning Keep things calm, fair and predictable, and limit time outs to three to five minutes. If you’re thinking about using time out there are some important traps to avoid and situations where it’s not appropriate:ĭon’t use time out for children under two (or those who have a developmental level under this age) – the strongest evidence base is for children two to eightĭon’t threaten time out and fail to follow through – this makes it less effective Older children who refuse to go to time out might lose their screen privileges. With children under about seven, parents can gently move them to the chair.Ĭhildren over about seven need another, hands-off approach such as loss of privileges like screen time until they have completed the time out. Similarly, if the child refuses to go to time out, decide ahead of time on the response. And both parent and child need to have talked about this ahead of time. Parents need a plan for what they’re going to do if the child gets off the chair, such as using the child’s bedroom as a “back up” time out spot. The parent, not the child, decides when time out finishes. If no, “stay on the chair until I say you can get off” and the time out starts again. If yes, they do it and the time out is over – time for re-connection! ![]() When they are reasonably calm, go over and say “you’re sitting quietly, are you ready to put the Lego in the box?” The time period should be three to five minutes for young children. Say something clear like, “stay on the chair until I say you can get off”. Then, calmly move them to the pre-arranged spot, which can be a chair or a cushion or similar. Give the child another few seconds to comply after this warning. You can expect a bit of push back, so be prepared. (“If you don’t put the Lego in the box you will need to go to the time out chair”.) This isn’t a threat, it’s stating what will happen and giving the child another chance to comply – they may not have heard the first time. Then repeat the instruction, calmly telling the child what the consequence will be. ![]() Give the child a chance to comply, perhaps count to five (internally). ![]() Parents need to first make sure their instruction is clear and developmentally appropriate. This withdrawal of attention should have been pre-planned, with the child and parent both knowing what’s happening ahead of time. Time out involves the deliberate, brief and pre-arranged withdrawal of parent attention when the child hasn’t complied with a clear and reasonable instruction. Time out can turn this pattern of interaction on its head. Yet children may receive less attention for “positive” behaviours that warrant praise (“Great sharing with your sister”, “Thanks for asking nicely”). Parents are more likely to intervene when something goes wrong than praise good behaviour. ![]()
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